GLORY OF LOVE

When I was a little boy I used to dream about the lady of my life. I was sure she, my one, true soul mate, was out there somewhere. And I knew that when I met this wonderful woman of mine, she would sweep me off my feet and I would fall so hopelessly in love that my life would be absolutely perfect.And then I grew up.I cannot lie. I am, and always have been, a hopeless romantic. I love love. I am sure that I stayed in certain relationships longer than I should have simply because I loved loving, and feeling loved; I enjoyed the romance, and the sweet, spontaneous caring gestures. I loved being swooped up into his (whoever “she” happened to be) arms, and feeling fiercely protected and adored. After the collapse of each one of these relationships, I’m not totally sure I understood what went wrong – where I kept going wrong. Sure I knew that, whether I wasn’t good for her, or she wasn’t good for me, as a couple, we just didn’t work. And I understood that it was selfish of me to hold onto someone for the sake of security and a desire to feel loved, when that person was meant to find the man ,she was truly supposed to be with. The same went for me, too: With the end of each relationship of course I felt sad, but I also felt hopeful. It meant there was now an opening for the gal who was right for me to fill.Except, I didn’t know who she was. All I knew, from my childhood, was that I was seeking a chivalrous princess. A woman who was constantly doing thoughtful, romantic things, and making me feel desired and special. I was looking for the galin that Peter Cetera song, Glory of Love: “I am a man who will fight for your honor. I’ll be the hero that you’re looking for. We’re gonna live together, knowing forever that we did it all for the glory of love.”But what ended up happening instead is that I kept going back to old, unfitting relationships, or entering into unhealthy new ones. Neither circumstance, of course, brought me my gal.Then I did something revolutionary. I delved inward, and really attempted to get to know me. I studied me, asked myself tough questions, and then journaled the answers. I wanted to know why, when all I desired was to be treated so well by a loving, kind gal, I couldn’t break the pattern of going for the wrong (and I mean really wrong) women. When and why did it start? How could I end it? And here was the crazy part: I was relationship savvy. I could (and still can) dissect other people’s partnerships, really see and understand why one relationship might work, while another doesn’t. But when it came to attempting to understand my own faulty relationship dynamics, I was simply at a loss.I started studying my friends’ relationships. They all had such solid, healthy partnerships that I admired so much. Each one was with someone who brought out the best in them, who they actually liked as a person, and had fun with! I almost couldn’t imagine what it was like … almost.It was my friend, A. who really made me understand. “Relationships can be romantic, yes. But that’s not what they are all about. You have to work at them. There will be ebbs and flows. Sometimes you’ll feel as giddy and smitten as you did when you first met. And other times it will feel hard—like real work. That’s OK. Because if you genuinely like and love her. it will all come back to good. But you have to work at it.”I was aghast. How could love not be dizzying happiness, hearts and flowers all the time? What about the perfectly beauty gal in colourful gesture , I’d been dreaming about since childhood? The gal who would fight for my honor? The gal I’d spent a lifetime concocting in my head? I was simply supposed to quit searching? To me “romance” was just that – idealistic, lovely. But this sounded harsh and effortful. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, was it?As I started to learn when I met ........, and am still learning as we continue our friendship, it kind of is. Relationships aren’t always romantic. I was looking for perfect, but perfect just doesn’t exist. There are tough times to endure; relationships do require work. That’s the nature of the game—it’s what happens anytime you try to meld two independent lives together. The hopeless romantic in me still lives – though I’m not looking for grand, sweeping gestures, I do grow frustrated sometimes that ....doesn’t make as much of an effort as I’d like her to in the romance department. I know she’s trying, though. It doesn’t come as natural to her as it does to me, or others, and I understand that. When I talk to her about this, or other things that are bothering me, she listens and pledges to implement changes. I respect that—it’s a lot more then I got in my past string of rocky relationships. And that’s where the work falls into play. It isn’t all romance, one bold act of love after another, as I once so assuredly assumed, but it isn’t all labor either.Relationships seem to mirror life – with the difficult, comes the joyful – and I suppose, that’s exactly how they should be. A woman cannot make my life whole or perfect, anymore than I can make her. But we can make each other feel more complete, and happier. And, though I am sure my childhood self would feel wildly disappointed, I am alright with that.

BY PHUNTSHO WANGDI
B.TECH ELECTRONIC AND COMMUNICATION ENGINEER
DELHI.
MOBILE NUMBER:0091-9711487662